Adventure Withdrawals

The after-effects of a year on the road are brutal. I’m having withdrawals like an addict.

I am waking up every day and living a “normal person life.” I work out at the gym. I make eggs for breakfast. I do my work online, sometimes at home, sometimes at my local community space where I like to work. In the evenings I either meet up with friends or I stay at home and write something, read something, or watch something.

I’m bored out of my mind.

I crave all the vices that could relieve me from the boredom. I want to drink, smoke pot, fuck, or ideally do all at the same time. (I even took Ecstasy for the first time.)

I’m in a liminal space, because I know what I want, but all I’m missing is the car and travel documents I need to get on the road again. I’m doing all the things a person should do to make that happen - promoting things for my business, steadily bringing in money (although that had a setback since I had some unexpected expenses come up).

And for whatever reason the universe or some being out there is keeping me on hold.

I’m born to be a wild creature, yet I’m caged inside.

My mind is riding out all the typical spirals, and then replaying them again and again.

Why do I feel like I’m starting from the bottom again?

Is it my fault? Do I actually suck?

Did I make the right decision coming back to Serbia?

Is there something I’m missing that could magically get me out of here?

But what do we do when have a goal that isn’t coming to matter, when we’re doing all the right things that should make it happen?